Originally Posted by london
“Furthermore, some people just don't see any reason to adopt an identity and present themselves to the world based on what they do in the bedroom"
This is the statement that invalidated trillions of kinksters. You see, for many people, the lifestyle comes before the sex stuff. What they do in the bedroom is a representation of their wider relationships. It may even affect how they interact with people socially and how they wish to be interacted with. Protocol and that stuff. It doesn't mean you have to follow their rules,i rarely do, but it does mean they probably will be uninterested in bonding with you if you reuse to respect their rules. Either way, their kink orientation is what governs their lifestyle and identity for a large part, it isn't just what they do in bed.
You don't have to explain what kink is. You're fairly new to the forum, so I don't know why you assume to know so much more, and feel the need to lecture and explain things to many of us who have been members and posting here for years as if we are children. Me, personally, I know a lot of kinky people, have read a lot about it, and have attended kink-oriented events. I don't identify as kinky, but I don't identify as "vanilla" either, and I investigate and ask lots of questions about kinky stuff because I am curious about it. I do know there is a difference between the kink lifestyle and kinky sexual activity. Doesn't matter, anyway.
The fact remains that my statement, which you quoted above, did not invalidate anyone
! No statement anyone makes could invalidate anyone's choices. Their choices are their own, and they'd be pretty weak people if anything anyone had to say about their choices could invalidate them. I don't have to like or agree with everything everybody else in the world is doing, so if I state an opinion about stuff I object to or don't like, does that mean I am invalidating them? Not at all. I'm just stating my opinion. If it's valid for them, it's valid for them.
My point in the quoted sentence was about calling someone who is not kinky "vanilla," anyway. It's not part of most non-kinky people's world view to go around identifying themselves by as silly and mocking a term as "vanilla," just because we don't want to collar or flog someone, live a TPE lifestyle, or whatever. There is more to a human being than whatever label they adopt. My objection is to use a term as an IDENTITY for someone other than yourself. Consider that non-kinksters would rather not be categorized nor identified at all by kinksters. Categorize yourselves, and leave the people who do not identify as kinky or a kinkster or a pervert or whatever other term kinksters like to use, out of it.
If you still don't get my point, I cannot explain it any further.