Originally Posted by YGirl
Write this 5000 times:
"Poly relationships are just like mono relationships except there are more people involved."
Being in a one-on-one dynamic does not mean it won't be abusive or unhealthy, just as being in a multi-dynamic does not mean everyone gets their "needs met".
Yep - what I have learnt is just cos someone claims to be poly, doesn't necesarily mean anything about them (that they are honest or open), other than they are in relationships with more than one person. And I've also learnt, that just because I may choose to be in a Poly relationship doesn't mean I have to accept being treated poorly.
The odd thing was that my family kind of said, "What did you expect" when I spoke about the things that had happened. Like they automatically assumed that because we were in relationships with more than one person, that someone I should have expected that I would be disrespected.
I was having a conversation with my sister about something to do with it and I said, "I know that, by YOUR standards we seem to have thrown all our values out the window (her values being related to monogomy), however you know our relationship is based on the same things as most relationships: love, honesty and respect"
I had a few monogomous relationships too that have been less than respectful also. But it certainly hasn't turned me off relationships for good!
The lesson here for me is to look at what needs I have been having met by attracting less than supportive relationships into my life and what I can change within myself/my behaviours to change this pattern.
I think I will get a better outcome from writing 500 times:
"I LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF AND ONLY CHOOSE TO BE IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE LOVING AND RESPECTFUL"