I too see my friendships as being much the same as my lovers. But, like IP said, they are a HUGELY meaningful part of my life. Especially when the chips are down.
When I am curled up in a ball on the shower floor, fighting the urge to knock myself off (which happens every winter when the brutal cold hits), when I can't remember what it's like to be warm, to feel sun on my face, to walk in the sand, to run in the grass. When I can't remember what it is that makes life worth living-
I run through my happy memories of friends. Some of those friends are an ongoing, daily part of my life.
Some of them are people like you, people who took the time to send me cookies, took time to meet me while I was on vacation to share a hug, people who opened their home to me so I could lay my head down in a safe and warm place while traveling.
Sometimes, when my world is falling apart, I just think of the pictures you post on facebook and the things you talk about regarding LB. Because those things remind me that in fact, I'm not alone, even when I FEEL alone-and believe me, when the depression hits and I'm struggling against suicidal thoughts-I do feel alone.
I think about dinner, a dinner you planned, so that I could meet your family and friends face to face. I especially think about LB talking about gravity. Does that sound stupid?
Let me tell you why.
That little boy of yours, he see's the world through a unique lense. He has perspectives that have never crossed my mind. He's like.... almost 30 years younger than me.
But, he comes up with possibilities I couldn't figure out were even IMAGINARY options!
That little detail is one of the main reasons I think of you and LB when my world is falling apart. Because-I figure if he could think up these alternative possibilities that never crossed MY mind regarding all of this science and worldly stuff-then it stands to reason that there is a WHOLE LOT going on in the world and within me and my relationships-that I am completely unaware of.
Let me repeat that...
I figure if he could think up these alternative possibilities that never crossed MY mind regarding all of this science and worldly stuff-then it stands to reason that there is a WHOLE LOT going on in the world and within me and my relationships-that I am completely unaware of.
Likewise-I would put money down that if the situation were laid out for him (not saying you should, just go with me for a second);
That what he felt was the explanation, what he felt was the "next step", what he thought was the "lesson" for you in all of this-
would be WHOLLY different than anything you or ANY of us has suggested or even considered.
RP-we can't any of us see the whole picture. Not you, not me, not anyone.
But-if you just take this camping moment to consider your son's perspectives on life and how they could possibly relate to what you need, what you are feeling and struggling with-
I honestly believe you will find that even if none of it makes a lick of sense-it will give you hope.
That kid inspires me from how many 1000's of miles away? I know he inspires you too. Let that inspiration spread out of your "Mommy-mode" and into the rest of you too.
Let LB give you hope that whatever it is you fear, long for, dream of etc-will work itself out in time. Not necessarily in the manner you imagined-but something different and potentially better.