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Old 06-15-2013, 08:41 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Hugs.

I too see my friendships as being much the same as my lovers. But, like IP said, they are a HUGELY meaningful part of my life. Especially when the chips are down.
When I am curled up in a ball on the shower floor, fighting the urge to knock myself off (which happens every winter when the brutal cold hits), when I can't remember what it's like to be warm, to feel sun on my face, to walk in the sand, to run in the grass. When I can't remember what it is that makes life worth living-

I run through my happy memories of friends. Some of those friends are an ongoing, daily part of my life.

BUT RP-
Some of them are people like you, people who took the time to send me cookies, took time to meet me while I was on vacation to share a hug, people who opened their home to me so I could lay my head down in a safe and warm place while traveling.

Sometimes, when my world is falling apart, I just think of the pictures you post on facebook and the things you talk about regarding LB. Because those things remind me that in fact, I'm not alone, even when I FEEL alone-and believe me, when the depression hits and I'm struggling against suicidal thoughts-I do feel alone.
I think about dinner, a dinner you planned, so that I could meet your family and friends face to face. I especially think about LB talking about gravity. Does that sound stupid?
Let me tell you why.

That little boy of yours, he see's the world through a unique lense. He has perspectives that have never crossed my mind. He's like.... almost 30 years younger than me. But, he comes up with possibilities I couldn't figure out were even IMAGINARY options!
That little detail is one of the main reasons I think of you and LB when my world is falling apart. Because-I figure if he could think up these alternative possibilities that never crossed MY mind regarding all of this science and worldly stuff-then it stands to reason that there is a WHOLE LOT going on in the world and within me and my relationships-that I am completely unaware of.

Let me repeat that...

I figure if he could think up these alternative possibilities that never crossed MY mind regarding all of this science and worldly stuff-then it stands to reason that there is a WHOLE LOT going on in the world and within me and my relationships-that I am completely unaware of.

Likewise-I would put money down that if the situation were laid out for him (not saying you should, just go with me for a second);
That what he felt was the explanation, what he felt was the "next step", what he thought was the "lesson" for you in all of this-
would be WHOLLY different than anything you or ANY of us has suggested or even considered.


RP-we can't any of us see the whole picture. Not you, not me, not anyone.

But-if you just take this camping moment to consider your son's perspectives on life and how they could possibly relate to what you need, what you are feeling and struggling with-
I honestly believe you will find that even if none of it makes a lick of sense-it will give you hope.

That kid inspires me from how many 1000's of miles away? I know he inspires you too. Let that inspiration spread out of your "Mommy-mode" and into the rest of you too.
Let LB give you hope that whatever it is you fear, long for, dream of etc-will work itself out in time. Not necessarily in the manner you imagined-but something different and potentially better.
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