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Old 06-15-2013, 03:44 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
Its like willingly getting into a childish slap fest over who's dad is bigger.
*slaps you* MINE IS! ... dangit I fell for it.

Originally Posted by london
I do understand the other point of view on vanilla and I have been amongst kinksters who kind of allude to being vanilla as lesser. I feel the same amongst poly people sometimes too, though, when discussing monogamy. It's more about the way things are said than what's being said. You can express a preference without demeaning people who choose differently.
Not exactly, because one term is describing a relationship status or worldview while the other is describing the absence of a quality by those who have the quality.

Monogamy is just a relationship status. I can say it with disdain, or I can describe its flaws, but it is still a word which is describing a relationship status or worldview. It wasn't created by poly folk as a way to describe people who "just don't get it" and that's not what it means on any level.

Vanilla is a word used to describe someone who "isn't whatever"; someone who is plain by the standards of the person who is saying it. While some will argue that it isn't demeaning in nature; I say that is creative rationalization. It doesn't HAVE to be mean spirited, but really if you're just describing someone who isn't into kink I'd just assume say "he's not into kink" instead of "he's vanilla"... one is making an assessment of reality while the other is arguably making a value judgment.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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