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Old 06-23-2009, 05:25 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188

Originally Posted by sweetness View Post
My first concern is that I seem to read more about poly being about having another "sexual" partner. For my Man, it's about having someone else to be in love [/B]with, a full fledged, loving and sexual relationship. Swinging is being about finding new sex partners. Polyamory is about finding new relationships. I don't know where you've been reading, though I can say you've been misinformed.

He is with someone else right now that he feels is the idea woman for him, um for us. I am struggling terribly. I am not sure if it's jealousy alone, or just the plain simple fact that I like what he and I have together and I don't want to change it. In saying that, I will add that I love him with all my heart and truly care about his happiness.
Well, an essential part of any relationship--mono or poly, open or closed--is the ability to communicate. Have you told him what you've told us? If it doesn't work for you, it's not gonna work at all. If it's not something you want to do, then it's not gonna work.

If he insists on pursuing it in the face of your objections, then the message is clear--he wants her (in particular) or he wants to be poly more than he wants to be mono with you. There may be change just around the bend that you can't avoid.

In any case, I can only recommend that you sit down and talk to him. Listen to why he wants this and what he thinks it will add to his life and yours. Then explore--in detail!--your objections to it and how those can be accommodated or not with a poly life. It is only when both of you have shared (in detail) your desires and expectations that you can reach a decision as to what to do.

And then, each of you can only decide for yourselves what to do. He may decide poly isn't viable because of your concerns. You may decide it's OK. He may decide he wants to move on because he wants to be poly more than he wants to stay involved in a mono relationship. There's no way to tell without doing the work necessary to find out.

Painful as it sounds, that's how things seem to work best. Getting involved in any intimate bond involves sharing what's on your mind, freely and honestly. It also means listening to him share what's on his mind, despite how painful it may be to hear it.

Keep in mind that we're rooting for you to find a happy ending!
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