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Old 06-15-2013, 11:31 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 201
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
"
I see no difference between friends and loves in my life tonight. I don't talk about friends so why talk about poly."

And this. I agree with you. I very often see no significant difference between friends and loves.

To me, this is a good thing. To you this seems to be a source of sadness.

Why?

Why not talk about friends? I talk about mine loads. I am friends with some amazing people who fill my life with interest, affection and love. They are fascinating, vibrant individuals and I talk about them.

IP
I wanted to say this but IP said it better than I would have.

I am sad for you that the love you used to feel for your friends (because I do think I saw this in your posts) no longer brings you happiness.

I can see that you're mourning the loss of your relationship with Mono as you knew it. And this is understandable - it was of immense value to you, it gave you great joy, and it has morphed into something that pleases you less. It seems natural to grieve over the loss.

And yet things will always change; we can't expect otherwise. (And if someone asked you to not change you might have felt trapped.) Sometimes reframing that way can help me, just as IP was reframing above. Of course you know already that things must change, but right now you don't really seem to accept it.

I think you might get something from the book I'm (re)reading these days, which addresses where the anxieties we feel may ultimately come from. I felt that it pulled together a lot of the issues that I've thought about and grappled with, and helped me see them in a larger picture. I'm rereading because it was a lot to absorb the first time through. It's by a therapist named Irving Yalom, and its called Existential Psychotherapy.
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