I had two friends visiting me from Home Country, it was really nice.
One day we hung out with rory and another day they met Evan and Hank for the first time (they've both met rory before). Everything went well. I loved watching Evan and Hank interact with each other and with us. I think it was really cute how they were kinda on the same side, for example after both of them had said something weird, Evan said "We're making a good impression here, Hank". Like it was their job to make a good impression together and not for example compete who makes a better impression. My friends liked them.
My friends were here for a week, they just left this morning. Today I'm going to be alone. I was thinking about going to a dance event where Evan, Gemma and a couple of other people I know are going. But maybe I won't after all. Maybe it would be healthy to be alone for a little while. Sometimes I fear that I'll get too used to having three partners and that I won't know how to be alone anymore. I fear I'll become addicted to company. I notice that feeling of unease now that I'm home alone after an intense period of spending time with people. I don't want to become that person who doesn't know how to be alone. I really don't.
Recently I had a dream where Hank started dating one of my oldest and closest friends. I felt really unhappy about it and I asked him to please choose someone else than her. Hank and my friend both tried to reassure me that it would be fine, we could make it work, but I was still skeptical. When I woke up I realised I hadn't thought about this thing in a while now because it hasn't been very relevant. It probably came up now because my friends were visiting me and were about to meet my partners. I don't know if you remember, but I used to have this please-don't-date-my-closest-friends boundary with JJ. Now all those friends are either in Home Country or some other country, but not here where I live. So I haven't really had a motivation to think about it or process it. It seems I still feel the same way about it. This only applies to friends I have a long history with (most of them about 15-25 years, in one case 5 years), so not the ones I've gotten to know while living here. I don't want to have this boundary anymore, I want to let go. I know it's very irrelevant because of the physical distance and the fact that all of my old friends are mono anyway, but it bothers me that I feel so bad about the thought of that happening. I want to be okay with it.
So, it seems that I have a lot of learning and growing to do.