You're right, you're words are ones that I have often thought about. I had some negative brainwashing, lol or internalizing negative views of myself as a child. There are some things I struggle separating "Is this me? Or is this someone else?" Relationships are one of those, and I think some things are deeply ingrained in me and some things I'm beginning to wonder if they are really working for me. I don't think I will just know what is right for me immediately. I am also the type of person to tolerate life, even if it's not exactly what I want. I have quite a lot of patience and willpower to do that(probably not a good thing). I probably sounds sad to say, but I don't know for sure what will make me the happiest right now. Mono vs. Poly. I just know that I feel constrained in my current role and a desire to explore new ideas. For me, this is a long time work in progress to even be here and questioning. I guess I'm just saying this continues to be a struggle to know what I want and myself in these regards. I truly have been working on this, but it's not so quick and easy for me to just know. I don't know why.