Hey, thanks for the new responses. I'm a student, so honestly reading is not my favorite thing right now. But, I read through some of the suggested links you mentioned LovingRadiance. I read some of them with my husband too and we're re-opened the discussion about this. Although, he said the cat was probably thinking "Are they really having this crazy conversation?" and I'm pretty sure that's more what he was thinking.
Lemondrop, I do feel like he and I have a solid relationship. I can't imagine my life without him and if he cannot come down this road with me then I would stop. He is 5x's any other man I've ever met in my entire life and the only person to ever really get me and appreciate me. Even discussing some of the ideals in polyamory, they do match with how we think. Like truly wanting the other person to be happy.
It's interesting to hear people say they just knew when they heard about polyamory that it was them. Honestly, I fought against the concept and still do to some extent. I put the idea of a monogamous partner on a pedestal, the one and only knight in shining armor come to rescue me for all eternity. I still like the ring of that, but it's not the reality. I find myself searching mentally outside our relationship for connections with others. At first, I thought someone was wrong with me. I wonder if I'm not built for monogamy. I question whether or not I ever want to have children too. All these things that go against everything I've been taught as a woman. I've never been anything but monogamous. This is my only real and serious relationship I've ever had. I get the sense that I need something more. But, I don't really know what I'm missing. Before this my longest relationship was two months and that was serious at all. Anyway, rambling my thoughts away more. I still have more to read, more questions to come, and more to discuss with him. Thanks for the responses so far, it helps me process my own thoughts and helps to hear what others experienced and are experiencing.