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Old 06-14-2013, 01:40 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by 1of4 View Post
But on the other hand, it is SO complex to manage a quad relationship and all of the individual relationships within that quad
I was talking with a swinger couple I'm acquainted with recently about poly vs swinging. The male of the couple said that it just sounded like way too much work; keeping up with all of the relationships. All of the rules, managing time, etc. I responded "Yah, that sounds awful, I would also bail on that".

He was pretty confused by my response.

The cause of his confusion is basically the same as the cause for most of the horror stories I've seen posted on these boards. People who are prone to trying to control the actions of their loved ones, people who cannot stand to be alone with themselves, and who hand off responsibility for their feelings to their lovers are destined to have gruesome and dramatic relationships. This personality type trying to have a poly relationship is going to sink like the Titanic - everyone dying and trying to blame it on someone else.

This is not a poly issue, this is a general interpersonal issue.

Originally Posted by 1of4 View Post
Sometimes, I struggle really hard with issues of jealousy and insecurity--emotions that I had never really felt before our quad...or at least not this intensely.
Dealing with emotions as an adult are tough. I know I didn't get a lot of practice growing up since I was raised to be a whiny and entitled American just like everyone else around me was. Learning to deal with my own emotions continues to be a struggle at times.

Originally Posted by 1of4 View Post
I'm just wondering why so many of you--knowing how hard and complex poly relationships can be--choose to be "practicing" poly people?

Please convince me again that this is all incredible, and rewarding, and fulfilling, and all worth it. lol
Odds are very good that it is difficult because you are making it difficult. Start living your life as a fully functional and independent adult while allowing everyone (everyone) around you the same courtesy and you might find that the world runs itself just fine without your input.

If I decide that my life is difficult and just one complex and unpleasant puzzle to solve after another I'm going to STOP DOING IT. I'm not trying to be ugly to you, just reminding you that it is your life even though you are merely 1 of 4.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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