If your relationship with your husband is so fulfilling why the quest for a third? In my marriage something was missing for me. My husband is one hell of a man. A lot of women would kill for a husband like mine. Yet for me something was missing. All my relationships since my teens I never stayed long. Something was missing. So I would flit from relationship to relationship searching because I was raised you didn't "cheat". My husband being the sage man he is gave me permission to find my happiness. Actually more like he kicked me in the butt and pushed me beyond my comfort zone. Last year I found my boyfriend through the car scene and my friends. He was the piece that was missing. Honestly he probably is about as perfect a match for me than anyone. Yet even he is not the complete package. My husband has those characteristics.
As for the time issue.. welcome to adulthood. You learn where there's a will there's a way. If your husband truly loves you he will allow to make time for another. You will make sure to make time for him. I am 39.. I have to work. Run a household .. have 2 younger children. My husband works second shift with rotating days off. My boyfriend works 12 he midnight shifts with rotating days off. Want to talk about a scheduling nightmare. But we managed to work out a reasonable schedule. I split my time 60/40. We all make sacrifices to make this work. For example my boyfriend is on vacation this week. There's nothing that I want more than be with him as much as possible. But that didn't happen. I had responsible here at my family home. So I have to wait til tomorrow to see him. And my poor husband will be flying solo this weekend because the kids and I will be with Murf.
As for the needing exclusive from the get go. Why should you get to have your cake and eat it too. You have a soft spot to land if things go wrong in your husband. Why should they not be allowed the same. Or someone to spend their time with when you and your hubby need couple time.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.