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Old 06-14-2013, 12:45 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
So, now you are saying that:

during all this time while you were happily ensconced in your poly arrangements with a husband, gf, and bf, and some occasional/tertiary and non-sexual bf's...

fighting your parents for custody of your child in your poly household...

leading a local poly group...

speaking at poly events...

giving advice here on how to manage polyamorous relationships...

and professing that you were just baffled by monogamy because you just didn't understand it AT ALL...

that it was really part of your grand plan since the beginning of your relationship with Mono to just play along and make him deal with your being poly for a period of time until such that you would miraculously become monogamous and shed all your other relationships, including your marriage, just for him? And now you say you've reached that point but the timing is off because he doesn't want that? Seriously?

Don't you find it rather curious that you never once spoke about nor considered being monogamous yourself UNTIL Mono met another woman he wants to be in a relationship with?

This sounds more like scrambling to hold onto what was, deep insecurity, and maintaining some sort of control, than a plan gone awry. Are you being really honest with yourself? It seems to me that you are spinning yourself in circles trying hard not to look at the truth of what is happening. I wonder how far along you will carry on with deluding yourself -- I feel for you, RP, I really do. I won't post any more on your blog, as I don't want you to think I am scolding you - and I am really not. But I'm concerned for you. A while back, you said you would consider therapy - perhaps the time is now.
yup. Essentially that's it. See, I'm really not right in the head.

We did talk of the future and not wanting poly eventually. It was far away for him. To me it was a closer thing. I don't want anyone to think that poly is not a good option. It is for many and might still be for me. Monogamy is just as valid too. Poly just doesn't seem to want to cram in my head right now and as much as I try this other reality keeps seeping out. I'm not about to stop it at this point as I think it needs a voice and a chance. Regardless of all I accomplished. Nothing is as it seems and everything changes, right?
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