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Old 06-14-2013, 12:38 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,648
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You might be right LR. He has said as much. It's me who needs to figure out where I fit in that realization once and for all. I am not a half way person. I want to give him everything and he doesn't want it or to give me the same. I want to focus everything I was on everyone on him and I. Spells moving on to me that we are coming from completely different places.

Even when I was with many loves I wanted that eventually with someone. I always wanted that deep inside and took years to admit it. It scares him shitless as it somehow means he has to take care of something more in my life. All I ask is fidelity (can you believe this is RP talking... I can't sometimes). Maybe he is just not the one to dk that kind of work with. Maybe I am completely insane.

Its been 17 years of poly for me. I'm tired. What can I say. Tired and looking for answers and relief in some way. I wish I could just let it go but something isn't alllwing me too.
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