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Old 06-14-2013, 12:08 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
. . . I had in the back of my mind that I needed to ride the thing through and then be available monogamously. I did. I am.

. . . How can I be cool with Mono seeing someone else when I am ready to try out monogamy and he isn't.
So, now you are saying that:

during all this time while you were happily ensconced in your poly arrangements with a husband, gf, and bf, and some occasional/tertiary and non-sexual bf's...

fighting your parents for custody of your child in your poly household...

leading a local poly group...

speaking at poly events...

giving advice here on how to manage polyamorous relationships...

and professing that you were just baffled by monogamy because you just didn't understand it AT ALL...

that it was really part of your grand plan since the beginning of your relationship with Mono to just play along and make him deal with your being poly for a period of time until such that you would miraculously become monogamous and shed all your other relationships, including your marriage, just for him? And now you say you've reached that point but the timing is off because he doesn't want that? Seriously?

Don't you find it rather curious that you never once spoke about nor considered being monogamous yourself UNTIL Mono met another woman he wants to be in a relationship with?

This sounds more like scrambling to hold onto what was, deep insecurity, and maintaining some sort of control, than a plan gone awry. Are you being really honest with yourself? It seems to me that you are spinning yourself in circles trying hard not to look at the truth of what is happening. I wonder how far along you will carry on with deluding yourself -- I feel for you, RP, I really do. I won't post any more on your blog, as I don't want you to think I am scolding you - and I am really not. But I'm concerned for you. A while back, you said you would consider therapy - perhaps the time is now.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 06-14-2013 at 12:15 AM.
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