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Old 06-13-2013, 03:51 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 123
Default Just remember....

"My wife and I are very similar, I think we both hoped that it would help make things less completely unrealistic and more mostly unrealistic. Anyway, we'll be talking more later about the issue of trying to do dating "together." I think we understand that it's not as reasonable as we might like, plenty of people have said it, but we're not entirely sure how to handle that. Part of the issue is that my wife says she's uncomfortable taking a relationship beyond a certain point without my involvement; maybe she could say more about that since I'm not psychic (hint, hint). The other issue is honesty about that and our intentions from the beginning. And finally a plain desire for mutual involvement, which I'm pretty sure I'm rambled about."

The biggest thing I've learned through all of this-is to pinpoint the source of discomfort and jealousy. Have your wife ask herself WHY she's uncomfortable to be in a relationship past a certain point without your involvement. There's always a root to discomfort and jealousy....and the biggest gift of polyamory for me has been digging deep to pinpoint these within myself and work on them. For example, I was uncomfortable with FJ & MD spending time alone together. For me, it was because I was scared MD would not be interested in me any more. I was scared they would develop a strong bond, and she wouldn't feel the same for me. Honestly, I still struggle with this. I have been able to ask for reassurances from her, and she has given them to me. But ultimately, I am only responsible for my own happiness and reactions. Anyways....I'm starting to ramble but you get the idea. Discomfort has a reason. Instead of eliminating what is making you uncomfortable-figure out the WHY and deal with THAT. It works better than having someone change their behavior to suit you.

This is a good article: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html
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franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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