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Old 06-13-2013, 02:04 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I'm re=posting my first post in this thread with colors and formatting because I'm so FRUSTRATED by the baby-sitting and hand-holding that takes place on here. I went through this effort JUST to prove that I'm not "hostile". If I were "hostile" I would have left a long time ago.


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Originally Posted by Earlier Post by BoringGuy
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Originally Posted by OP
1. What can we do in our position to be polite to the rest of the poly community and not be horribly obnoxious, both in real life and on the forums? We'd both like to avoid being, 'that guy,' 'that girl,' or I guess in this case 'that couple.'

Drop the "we-speak", get used to saying "I", "me", "you", "both of us", etc. Stop thinking of you two as one unit. Make separate profiles on forums (on this forum you are not supposed to share a profile) and dating sites. Get into the mindset that you are two separate people. Get comfortable with not being all up in each other's business day in day out.

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6. Is dating together a really poor idea, or does it just make things harder, or...? My wife and I would like to do it together if possible; we think it would be fun. If it's considered in bad taste or makes it near impossible, however, we'd like to know. If you're of the opinion that it's not advisable, is there any advice on how to work the additional person in later down the line? Again, silly question that's very situation specific, but it seems worth asking. If it's reasonable or can be done if done right, is there anything to make it more platable for the potential individual? We can imagine specifics like trying not to be too much of a 'unit' during the whole affair (at least, I'd find it awkward if I was in their position), but it'd be nice to hear anything relevant since we're still pretty clueless.

7. We think we're prepared for this and we've put some thought into it (and continue to). But we're both vaguely aware that all the planning in the world often doesn't matter. We've been monogamous for all our lives and both of us very heavily so. We're wondering what kinds of issues we may run into once things start progressing (if we're lucky), and if there are any really common scenarios? We're aware jealousy and unfairness are pretty obvious issues to run into as well as a few other things, but there's probably a lot we wouldn't think of.

I think that married people who spend all their time together and feel like they should date "as a couple" because they are joined at the hip and have no separate interests or relationships are not ready/suited for nonmonogamy.


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2. What can we do to be polite to others when trying to make our intentions clear? I realize this is really situational, but some nebulous advice would be nice. The reasoning behind this is that we've realized that simply poking around 'likely' areas online (like this one!) isn't the most realistic stance to take, but we'd also like to not make friends or likely acquaintances too uncomfortable if possible.

3. What makes a well established couple comfortable to work into if you're polyamorous? We've already gotten over the 'treat them like a real relationship' stage of ignorance, so no lists of weird rules or behind-the-back whispering between ourselves, but there's probably things that we haven't heard about yet and haven't thought about that would be helpful to know.
^^^^^^See this?^^^^^^

See this:

Also, if you go around meeting women and constantly thinking, "Are you in a relationship? Are you bi? Are you attracted to my wife? Are you interested in being in a triad? What does your family think of marriage? What color is your toothbrush? Do you enjoy caring for children and walking dogs?" then you are going to<-- this is a FUTURE POSSIBILITY, not an observation! READ! put out one hell of a creepy vibe.



Editorial: Boring Guy's thoughts - not to be confused with the OP's questions/thoughts:
I do not understand this whole "Yay we're poly now! Let's go find someone to be in a poly relationship with! It's our lifestyle! Yippee!" mentality. I'm one of those, "Here's A, here's B. I don't have to pick one and leave the other" people. Like, when you're in a relationship already and you happen to meet someone you'd date "if I was single"... You don't need the "if i was single" in order to do that. But not, "we want a relationship with a bisexual female. How do we get one of those?"

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Anyway, this is probably a lot to read. We hope someone takes the time; if so, thanks!
You're welcome. Any time.

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Even moreso
Ok, you're twice as welcome twice as much of the time.


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if you have the time to respond to any of the above,

No good deed goes unpunished.


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or shove us in the direction of an article or post you think would be enlightening.
I'd like to shove something in a direction, but that might come across as "hostile" so I'll just tickle you with a peacock feather instead. How's that?

Last edited by BoringGuy; 06-13-2013 at 02:10 PM.
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