Originally Posted by Emm
You say you're here to learn, but you appear to be more interested in defending your initial position than anything else. My suggestion is that you read up on Unicorn Hunters both here and elsewhere, and either stop getting defensive when people answer your questions or stop asking questions you don't want answered.
He had (and has) an opportunity to answer my questions. They are actual questions. If he wants to respond, or you want to respond, I'll read a productive response. If you think I'm lying and being defensive, then I'm probably not worth your time.
Originally Posted by BoringGuy
I'm not here to explain why or understand you as the yewneek individual you are, or be your relationship coach. You came on here and asked a bunch of stuff and i posted my bit.
I think YOU are the one who is being "hostile". You say you want to hear what other people think, but you really want to hear all about how fabulous and self-aware you are because you are NOT LIKE all those OTHER unicorn hunters.
I actually appreciated what you said on a few points. I wanted to understand your opinions on others. I wanted to explain my reasoning. I'm actually interested, but I'm dubious as to whether or not you'll believe me. If you don't, I don't see how I'm worth your time or why you're wasting any on me.
Originally Posted by Dirtclustit
on this topic
I don't want to make any assumptions about you Root, because in general doing so is not good practice, and I have my own views of what exactly constitutes the behavior that actually is abusive, which is what I would call true unicorn hunter. Treating you and spouse as abusive hunters unless you are, is wrong.
And because everyone will agree that abuse is wrong as well as treating you as an abuser when you are not, is not the two sides that people are quick to line up with or on.
These types of topics really shouldn't be discussed, pardon my french, for the fuck of it. Which is the only reason I am going to say this, because unless you have never had an profile account here at polyamory.com, or at least never an active one, bringing up this topic as a fresh new face is not a good idea.
But I would be hard pressed to be able to say for sure, and it being wrong to just assume, I will take you at your word if you say otherwise
but because of the situation I feel it is appropriate to ask if you are really as fresh a face as 5 posts makes you appear?
not that I am of any authority or you under any obligation to answer
I assume you're floating the idea of me being a sock? I'm not sure if I should be flattered or a bit worried. I really am a newbie, most of what little I know is from reading these forums and poking through articles online.
That said, I really wasn't hoping to cause much conflict. It's hard to miss the kind of negative attention these threads get if you bother reading the forums a little before posting. I was hoping trying to be somewhat humble would mitigate things and give a chance to get some answers without upsetting people, but I guess I did a poor job of conveying that given some of the responses.
That said, sorry if this seemed "for the fuck of it." My wife and I were genuinely hoping for some non-trivial info or meaningful articles.
And to your later post, it's really fine. You were very polite, I guess I'm just surprised anyone would think that.
Originally Posted by franchescasc
We are very newly exploring a triad, and all sorts of unexpected feelings have come up....you just can't really be prepared for everything. I concur with an earlier poster here who said that successful triads have started with one member of the couple dating someone separately and then slowly introducing the other member of the couple. For us, this all happened naturally-we weren't searching for it at all. I don't know about you, but my husband and I are nearly complete opposites, so finding someone who actually hits it off with both of us is pretty amazing.
Feel free to read through my blog, I've just started it, and pm me if you'd like. I posted a question much like this one (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44029
), and my fave advice was from Marcus:
"When it's good, enjoy the crap out of it... when the attention doesn't seem to be coming your way... remember that they aren't responsible for your happiness and take responsibility for it yourself. Remember that a "relationship" isn't a thing, it's just a word used to describe two or more *individuals* sharing themselves to whatever degree for a period of time."
Although we all enjoy the hell out of being together, having one on one time as dyad couples is very important. It's becoming more important than I imagined it would be. Feelings change-often very quickly-and expecting everyone to all feel the same is completely unreasonable. For me-I felt too much pressure to be on the same "new & exciting" page as FJ & MD, and I'm not. I have my own special relationship with MD that I want to nurture and develop naturally. FJ and I are not a "package deal".
Anyways, I could go on forever, but keep reading and asking yourself the hard questions. Don't think to yourself, "Oh, but we won't be like that/feel like that".
My wife and I are very similar, I think we both hoped that it would help make things less completely unrealistic and more mostly unrealistic.
Anyway, we'll be talking more later about the issue of trying to do dating "together." I think we understand that it's not as reasonable as we might like, plenty of people have said it, but we're not entirely sure how to handle that. Part of the issue is that my wife says she's uncomfortable taking a relationship beyond a certain point without my involvement; maybe she could say more about that since I'm not psychic (hint, hint). The other issue is honesty about that and our intentions from the beginning. And finally a plain desire for mutual involvement, which I'm pretty sure I'm rambled about.
I'll certainly look through the blog.
I do admit I'm worried we just don't have a realistic view of this. I doubt we'd pursue it for some while until there's a better sense of having gotten through the harder questions. I do think we mutually have a desire for excessively close relationships that wouldn't necessarily be many people's pot of tea, but I guess that's something to figure out on our own.
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion
Alright, not even 10 posts in and already we have a new member reading hostility here.
Just a reminder to everyone that this Forum exists for people to come and ask their questions, and be treated with respect. And yes, that applies to Unicorn hunters as well, as their journey's in poly as as valid as any others.
Unless you think he was being hostile I wouldn't put much stock in that. Like I said, if that wasn't his intention, oh well. I am kind of a stupid newbie, just wish the follow-ups might've considered that instead of jumping the gun.