Can't answer your specific question. I knew I was SOMETHING, I found poly and finally had a WORD for it. It was a "no-brainer" that I had to tell my husband and he would stay or leave as he needed, either way I would continue to love and honor him as a person. He choose to stay-though with MUCH education required for him to do so. (you can read HIS thoughts, login is Maca).
As for what you NEED.
I HIGHLY advise that you go read "www.xeromag.com". Great articles. Also-start asking yourself questions and REALLY think about the answers.
WHAT is love?
WHO do you love?
WHY do you love?
WHEN do you love?
WHAT is relationship?
WHAT is marriage?
WHAT is "good" about you?
What is "BAD" about you?
How can YOU change the parts you think are "bad"?
Most people who are struggling to decide where to go with "poly" from a mono relationship are REALLY concerned about the SEX end of things.
Imho-that is the LEAST of the concerns. ANY healthy relationship requires GOOD communication skills (link to good thread in "golden nuggets" check it out too) AND honesty. But more then that healthy relationships require that both parties be CLEAR with THEMSELVES and each other about WHAT they believe and WHAT they want in their lives.
A mono person and a poly person CAN make a functional relationship, but ONLY if both of them are CLEAR about what they need and can find a middle ground.
Two people who are mono can "fake it" a bit easier-as there are less people involved to "catch on" to the b.s., but there is a reason why so many mono-marriages end in divorce, I would say it's got a LOT to do with them NOT identifying THEMSELF before they say "I do". (how can you say you WILL do these things if you haven't established the MEANING of these things, who you REALLY are deep down inside and where you intend to go with your life?)....
"Love As Thou Wilt"