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Old 06-13-2013, 08:33 AM
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Root Root is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Deep Underground, Off the Coast of California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Drop the "we-speak", get used to saying "I", "me", "you", "both of us", etc. Stop thinking of you two as one unit. Make separate profiles on forums (on this forum you are not supposed to share a profile) and dating sites.
This is my account -- wife will make one if she's inclined to do so. I do think I understand what you're getting at, so thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Get into the mindset that you are two separate people. Get comfortable with not being all up in each other's business day in day out.
Not sure what to say to the first; I'm pretty aware of that. I'm of the impression that she is too. The second, though, doesn't seem terribly sensible. Both of us like our relationship as it is. It's possible to spend a lot of time around another person without them stealing your soul. I'm trying to be lighthearted, but I really do just enjoy being in very active and close relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I think that married people who spend all their time together and feel like they should date "as a couple" because they are joined at the hip and have no separate interests or relationships are not ready/suited for nonmonogamy.
Being inexperienced I'll try to be humble in this. You may well be right; maybe it's a terrible idea! But I think this assumes too much on too little and may not even apply. I realize that dating together is not easier. I do want to understand the complications from the other side and how it's a bad idea for everyone in question. In doing so, maybe I will clue in to what you're saying.

But I don't understand the why. You've simply stated bare that my desire to date "as a couple" is a bad idea. Which is cool! I expected that. Can you please explain why? And the later part of this is kind of brash; my wife and I have separate interests, it feels you're making quick assumptions based on the fact we spend a lot of time together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Also, if you go around meeting women and constantly thinking, "Are you in a relationship? Are you bi? Are you attracted to my wife? Are you interested in being in a triad? What does your family think of marriage? What color is your toothbrush? Do you enjoy caring for children and walking dogs?" then you are going to put out one hell of a creepy vibe.
The Lonely Island taught me well, what can I say? Use about a kilogram of hair gel daily. Anyway, this seems out of the blue and not productive. If you get this vibe because I posed a bunch of questions my wife and I thought up, I can only say that I'm trying to avoid being an ass and trying to leave someone feeling screwed over because I didn't understand what I was getting into and didn't have the sense to ask people who understand better than I do.

I am actually just trying to approach this in the best way possible from my point of view -- as implied in my first question, I am really open to being corrected if there's something that would be more polite.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I do not understand this whole "Yay we're poly now! Let's go find someone to be in a poly relationship with! It's our lifestyle! Yippee!" mentality. I'm one of those, "Here's A, here's B. I don't have to pick one and leave the other" people. Like, when you're in a relationship already and you happen to meet someone you'd date "if I was single"... You don't need the "if i was single" in order to do that. But not, "we want a relationship with a bisexual female. How do we get one of those?"
I do understand that you guys get a lot of unicorn hunters who jump on the forums and are really annoying; that's the impression I get from other posts on the subject. I'm trying pretty hard to avoid that and understand what I'm getting into. That's the point of the silly questions. I'm not saying I'm succeeding, but I'm really trying, even if it's just having the exact opposite effect.

To the blunt, the above doesn't seem relevant. I can totally understand your point of view. I can understand why people in my position could be really irritating from where you're standing; I just spent a lot of time reading about that. My opinion on relationships simply does not coincide with that. Even were I single and had an interest in two women that I could date simultaneously, I'd greatly prefer one, the other, or a triad. Why? Because that's how I roll. Whoo.

That said, I'm not sure what else to say; that last part in your post seemed a little on the spectrum of hostile. If that's not the intention, sorry. If you are a little annoyed because you probably get this a lot, I do get it in some vague fashion (I don't presume to know terribly well, but I do get it on some level!). Both she and I came here to figure out if what we wanted was viable or even a good idea. Both of us are here trying to be humble about it; if we really are that poorly suited to it it's unlikely we'd pursue it. Neither of us want to cause drama or muck someone's life up or something equally stupid.
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