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Old 06-13-2013, 06:27 AM
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Root Root is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Deep Underground, Off the Coast of California
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Probably the thing to keep in mind here is that the more specific it is what you're seeking, the longer it's likely to take to find the right person that fits the plan. You have to decide what trade-off is best for you as far as how long you're willing to search, and how specific you want the outcome to be. Many people just fall into a poly situation, not having a plan for structure at all ahead of time.
Thank you. We've been trying not to get too specific for that reason. We did kind of fall into the problem of initially getting very specific and having odd expectations, though we obviously took some time to think and realized we were being silly. It's more exciting to meet a real person and get to know them, anyway, insofar as I've concluded.

That said, I do realize that aiming for a triad doesn't make it easier! I think my wife does as well. I was reasonably open to her dating without me to make this more fluid, but she doesn't seem to enjoy the idea, nor I the reverse. I think part of our fear is that we do, in the very least, have the relationship structure as one of those sticking points that we're supposed to avoid, and having either of us date individually seems dishonest unless the other person understands our intentions fully.

I imagine it varies by person, but again I don't have any experience. Is it realistic to lay that on the table when you make your intentions clear? I think we both know it's one of those things that's awkward for the other person but it'd be dishonest if we did anything else.

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Re: coming out to your family ... I don't know of any special way of doing that to stave off negative reactions. It's really not up to you to convince people to react positively (or even reasonably), it's up to them. The best you can do is explain the situation to family members using respectful language, and being prepared within reason to answer any questions they may have. Sometimes people just have to freak out about it for awhile, and then very slowly they might get used to it.

Sorry that's the best I can offer in that area.
It was a vague question, really, so anything is good. I do realize to a degree that it's in their court to try to get a grasp of it, but I guess there's that desire to try to do whatever you can, even if you shouldn't have to. That said, one of the advantages of my situation. No explanations for anybody.

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Otherwise, you should just continue to read and study and post any additional questions. You need to be flexible with whoever you meet, but I think you know that.

Good luck.
Kevin T.
Thank you very much! The encouragement is appreciated, as is the post.
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