When a partner stays overnight with someone else
Hello everyone, and thanks in advance for the advice!
My wife, J, and I have been together for almost 14 years and have grown together over that time to realize that we are not "vanilla" people. We are "swolly" I guess you could say as we started playing with others occasionally about 5 or 6 years ago. That was always fun and we never really had any jealousy issues or anything.
About 2 years ago J wanted to play with a mutual friend from out of town while he was visiting us. Let's call him "L". L and J have known each other for years and, though he lives over 5 hours away, they always had an attraction to one another that I could sense from the first time I saw them greet each other. So, seeing this particular night as an opportunity to let her do something she has no doubt thought about for years, I gave the green light and the three of us had a wonderful evening together!
Post hook-up, I knew things were different this time. She was gaga for this guy. Texting, talking, flirting...we were in uncharted territory. We NEVER had this kind of interaction with a play partner before. Since he had a girlfriend at the time back home, J and L didn't "really" start a "real" relationship until just a few months ago (when J broke up with his GF), although they have skirted around it since that first night.
Now, they are diving head-first into it. We have been reading a lot and trying to stay communicative etc. All in all, we've been doing pretty well. He comes up to visit us on some weekends and we go visit him. Which brings us to my issue.
Since L lives so far away, and really wants some "alone time" with J, they are pushing for an overnight (maybe 2 nights) in a city between the two of us, which would leave me alone with our 2 kids for the weekend.
Honestly, since we are so new to this, I'm having some issues. I have had to quickly come to terms with their frequent texting and talking on the phone, which is TOTALLY understandable, but still a shock when you've had a monopoly on your spouse's time for so long. And now, a month or so into this, they want to run off for the weekend.
I know I need to let go and treat them both with love and openness. They are VERY sensitive to my feelings and would absolutely not do this if I asked them not to...but I can't do that. They are totally nuts for each other right now and I can't bear the thought of harming their new-found love with my insecurities.
What I'm asking for here is coping mechanisms.
How did you handle your spouse's first weekend away? I'm worried that I will feel alone and abandoned. I'm jealous of their NRE and wish I had that in my life too. I imagine them throwing themselves at each other as soon as they arrive at the hotel and it makes a pit in my stomach. My logical brain says this is all natural and doesn't detract from her love and passion for me, but my emotions are running pretty high right now.