I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Cleo. Going from having PIV to not having it in a relationship would be really rough. May I ask why C can't use condoms? Maybe you guys could try female condoms?
I had been thinking that Davis and I could just go back to condom use, which was our standard until a few months ago when I got the IUD put in. Didn't seem like a huge game changer to me. But then, I know that being able to be barrier-free for PIV is generally a bigger deal for men then for women.
From my perspective, I did and I didn't choose Clay over Davis. From what Davis had told me, I knew that upping my intimacy with Clay in this way would mean losing that with Davis. I chose to do it anyway. But Davis's reaction is HIS choice, so... who's more "responsible" for the change in the end, the person whose choice kicks off the chain of events or the person who makes the final decision at the end of the chain? I guess it depends on whether you see the second person's choice as a free one. I know that Davis didn't see it that way, he felt like he had no choice at all.
Philosophical questions aside, I know that if I had really still been putting Davis in the "partner" box in my head, I would have handled this quite differently. I would have sat down and talked with him about it in more depth, really tried to work it out, taken more time to explore what the consequences to our relationship would be. Even if the result had been the same, the process would have been different.
I've been stressed lately, right on the edge of burnout, rehearsing non-stop, adjusting to the new balance in my interpersonal life, freaking out over things at work. Would I have handled this differently if I wasn't running on empty in some ways? Or was this mostly about NRE with Clay... certainly I've heard stories of people making rash decisions that they don't discuss or discuss too little with their other partners under its influence. Or was it really a wake-up call, subconsciously intentional or not, about how I view Davis?
I really don't know. It's strange not to understand my own motivations. :/
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.