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Old 06-12-2013, 02:53 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,341

Am I nuts for wading into the minefield?

I need to trust someone before being intimate with them as well (although it's not as cut-and-dry as genital contact) - it's more of a vulnerability thing for me. If a potential partner (and this is mostly speculative, since I've had TWO partners over my entire life) were to need sexual intimacy before I was ready to give it, and it became an issue, okay then - our priorities are different, and let's move our separate ways. It's only selfish if I try to make them hang around, or string them along for my sake.

I would say, though, that if I had a partner who still didn't trust me enough to be intimate with me after a year or so (or even a few months), I would want to know what the issue was - is it a trust issue that can be fixed, is it a hurdle the other person can't get over, am I just not trustworthy enough, period, is it fear in general of making that next step, or what? I wouldn't want to be left in limbo.

I had a friend who was nine months into a relationship, and the girl wouldn't even kiss him. He wondered what the hell was wrong with him, and it was a real hit to his self-esteem. It took some cajoling from me and other friends to say that yeah, this isn't normal and you guys need to TALK.

I don't think you need to justify yourself, but if you end up months into a relationship, it should definitely rate some discussion.
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