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Old 06-12-2013, 02:07 PM
ChaiLatteWriter's Avatar
ChaiLatteWriter ChaiLatteWriter is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Upstate, New York
Posts: 8

There are so many opinions here, wow.

I was going for opinions about virginity in general, and I'm gonna ask you guys to please refrain from stating what you think I meant as the OP.

Sex is not a prize or trophy to be won. It's an intimate act that displays closeness. I'm not going to kiss somebody until I decide I enjoy their company in a romantic context, so why would I have sex with someone until I decided I enjoyed their romantic company enough that I wanted to do that?

I am always upfront about it. I tell people when I start dating them that I'm a virgin and as of yet not ready to have sex. If they deem it important to them and want to date someone they can have sex with right away, they can leave. It's their choice, not mine.

And my decision isn't all about romance, it's partly safety. Birth control and condoms don't work 100%, and I would love to avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancy. I want to be sure I can trust someone enough to always use safe sex practices when I decide I'm ready for it.

I'm not asking anyone for anything. Sex is important to me. Intimacy is important to me. I don't think it's a high standard at all to ask someone to wait until I trust them before I think about having sex with them, especially considering I've never had it. Even if I wasn't a virgin, I would probably wait a while until I started having sex in a relationship.

And where did this 2-3 year figure come from? I never said that specifically. I could wait a couple years or a couple months before thinking about sex with someone, it all depends on the people in the relationship. I had a boyfriend of two years I never had sex with, but I've been with my girlfriend five months and I trust her more than I ever trusted my ex boyfriend. It's all depends.

I survived my whole early teenage years with a lot of sexual desire, but I never suffered from not having sex. My relationships were incredibly fulfilling. Sex wasn't the reason for my two major break ups. If sex matters so much to someone that they don't want to date me, that's on them, not me. Yes, it's pleasurable. Yes, it's a heck of a lot more pleasurable with other people. That doesn't mean I need it to have amazing romantic relationships filled with love, dedication, and physical closeness.

By the by, I was curious about polyamorous views on this because I'm coming at it from a monogamous standpoint. I'm polycurious right now, but I was raised to think of monogamy when determining who to have sex with and why.
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