I think that if someone says that they don't want to have sex, for any reason, that should be respected. In the mentioned scenarios where there is above waist fondling between the OP and another, the other would have been informed that the OP wasn't going to have sex with them. Therefore if they're going to get all iffy about being sexually frustrated after the fondling, they could have just not started in the first place.
In a mono relationship, this would perhaps be more difficult because the pleasure and intimacy involved in sex could not be gained by any other method, in this case it COULD. The other could be with the OP and someone else. They could have a sexual intimacy with another person and romantic intimacy with the OP until she felt that she was ready.
All the OP is saying is that she doesn't want to have sex (by her own personal definition) before she is ready. For her to be ready, she wants to love and trust the individual. I don't see what's wrong with that. It's her body and her choice. I do agree with other posters that that may not take 2-3years, it could be a much shorter amount of time, but the feel I get from the OP is that love and trust are necessary for her to open other people to a part of herself that she finds very personal. She's not being a tease, she's stating her needs and is sticking to them.