Originally Posted by Creatress
I know that I want freedom in my relationship. I know that I want to not have to be PARANOID about talking to someone, flirting, a kiss. I want my love to come home from a night out and tell me about the cute girl he made out with or the guy he thought was hot. And while I know that open relationships can turn into poly ones pretty easily if given the time....*sigh* I don't know.
I suppose it doesn't MATTER when I don't have any relationship, let alone more than one. :p But I don't want to be a secondary (again). At this point in my life, I need to be the only really important one for a while. I need to heal, because in this last relationship, my needs ALWAYS came last or there was emotional hell to pay, and I need some healthy adoration and respect.
The first paragraph sounds very poly to me. The second paragraph does not contradict the first. There's nothing wrong with the desire to be the most important person in someone's life, and to have someone else be the most important person in your life. It's healthy to love someone enough to put their needs before your wants, as long as you put your own needs at the very top of your list.
From what I've seen on this forum, many polyamorous people are married and put their spouses at the top of the list. They form secondary relationships with the understanding that these must not harm or interfere with their marriages. So these people are just like you, only they've already found their primaries.
I believe that the universe gives us what we need at different times of our lives, and we only find true love when we're ready to accept and cherish it. I spent years searching and wishing for what I have now, and I can say without a doubt that if it would have fallen into my lap any earlier than it did, I would have messed it up.