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Old 01-25-2010, 06:25 AM
quila quila is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 39

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I don't mean to hijack the focus of this thread, but since you are the OP of the thread and you said this, I feel compelled to point out that this does not explain why you think poly and mono relationships have a "different dynamic". Either way, the people should have trust, be "on board, honest with themselves and each other, etc." and in either mono or poly situations, "people aren't always like that". So, this does not explain what, other than the number of people involved, you find to be "different" about the dynamics.
I believe that there's more to a relationship dynamic than communication and trust.

The only extent to which I agree that mono and poly relationships are the same is this: Every relationship is different. So in the sense that "every poly relationship is different" then yes, they're just like mono relationships. Is that what you mean though?

I feel that the difference in relationship dynamic between mono and poly is how you deal with jealousy. In a monogamous relationship, you have the right to expect your partner not to fall in love with another person, and the right to be jealous and angry if they do. In a relationship with polyamorous people, you still have the right to be jealous, but you make the commitment to own the jealousy as being your issue, and not expect your partner to curb their behaviour to pacify your jealous nature.

Monogamous people have the right to expect to be the center of their spouse's universe. Polyamorous people have the responsibility to accept that their spouse's universe may orbit in a figure-8 or some vastly more complicated celtic knot. Yes, there are many poly relationships with a primary and then secondary relationships, and so these primaries still have the right to expect being the center of the universe, but this only comes back to "every relationship is different."

So unless that's what you mean by "poly relationships are just like mono ones but with more people," then I also disagree.
I do not need a label to define me. Labels are sticky and I hate the glue they leave behind.
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