Struggling a bit today
I was able to spend an amazing weekend with my boyfriend this weekend, time that is precious to me and I find myself struggling with something that happened last night and not wanting to let my feelings about that taint the rest of the weekend.
My boyfriend and I were able to spend time with some really great people this weekend and my boyfriend can be quite flirtatious and outgoing. As I was helping others re-organize the space we were in, I turned and saw him doing something that, to me, felt too intimate, with one of the women we had met during the day. I should preface that, for those who may not have read my other thread, my boyfriend is married and identifies as polyamorous, I'm trying very hard not to label myself as I feel that it makes things more confusing for me, but I am not interested in being with anyone else but him. Without giving too much information, I will say that there was nothing overtly sexual going on and he absolutely did not cross any limits as far as things we had negotiated and agreed on before.
But in that moment, I couldn't help but feel hurt, to the point where all I wanted to do was cry and ended up pushing him away briefly. We talked about things quite a bit last night and today I feel that this has brought us closer but I just don't want to end up in a situation like this and react the way that I did again.
I don't want to change who my boyfriend is - every part of who he is has made him the man that I am so deeply in love with. But at the same time, I don't know how I will feel if the situation happens again.
I guess I'm really looking for advice on how to work through the things that are still difficult for me without pushing him away and letting myself fall into a place of self doubt.