He pushes me away because of low self esteem. How other than telling him I love him and how sexy and smart and what a great husband he is can I do to assist him in making him realize how great he is?
You can encourage, you can support but in the end HE has to be the one to change his core beliefs. You cannot do it for him.
Could encourage him to do self-respecting behavior. Could encourage him not to make self esteem do the work of self respecting behavior. I'm not sure what he needs from himself and what he needs from you for him to become willing to work on his self esteem and start doing self respecting behavior to himself. Help him decide that he could not be his own inner bully in how he talks to himself in his head.
But you could ask him what needs those might be. See what he says.
Maybe this article puts it in a way he can understand?
Maybe it's his habitual thinking patterns and self talk than need changing. Could something like this help?
If you yourself are at your own personal limit and cannot take any more like this? Consider letting go of the rope.
Have you tried that yet to get him to see the severity of how this affects all of you?
Def talk to each other. This sounds serious.
What do YOU need to be happy?