Originally Posted by felele888
LovingRadiance: It's been hard for me to initiate communication about this subject because I'm used to pressing these feelings down, but I'm working on getting better at it. SO has a lot of problems talking about relationships and sex, too, but he's about to go talk to a therapist and get some stuff off his chest, then we're probably going to have a communication session together, whereafter we will have the tools to practice constant, open communication, which is the goal. So, none of this is likely going to happen before I'm able to talk to SO frankly about it. But, having observed his non-verbal communication, my hunch is that he's aware I have a crush. But we'll talk about it.
Additionally, not to sound too defensive, but I've only been aware that it's even possible for me to be poly in the last few days. (Since Thursday.) My eyes are open wide, and ready to read any and all things poly-related and communication-related, to really learn about this and try to become an expert at navigating it. So, I wish I didn't immediately come off as a drama queen, but I appreciate your patience and guidance as I head through on this amazing journey.
Sentence in red-
in that case, I even MORE highly advise that you not make a move yet with the other couple.
One of the keys to minimizing the drama and problems that can arise from these types of dynamics-is to be sure that you have addressed as much as possible in your current relationship FIRST.
That means, before you even consider making a move, you take time to research the pitfalls and risks involved (together) and discuss boundaries, hard limits, soft limits, fears, concerns etc.
Gala girl has written TONS on this board regarding all of these things. Many of us have personal blogs outlining the same. There are websites you can find if you do a google search for "poly" or "polyamory".
I am in a V configuration. Neither of my guys has anyone else at the moment. One is poly, but not in an additional relationship, the other is mono.
The most important detail that has helped us to work through problems that have arisen (and problems WILL arise), is being able to share every nuance of our feelings, needs, desires, dreams, fears, concerns, etc with one another. If we couldn't do that-we couldn't maintain trust and the relationship would fall apart.