Thank you so much for the helpful insights!
I am encouraged.
LovingRadiance: It's been hard for me to initiate communication about this subject because I'm used to pressing these feelings down, but I'm working on getting better at it. SO has a lot of problems talking about relationships and sex, too, but he's about to go talk to a therapist and get some stuff off his chest, then we're probably going to have a communication session together, whereafter we will have the tools to practice constant, open communication, which is the goal. So, none of this is likely going to happen before I'm able to talk to SO frankly about it. But, having observed his non-verbal communication, my hunch is that he's aware I have a crush. But we'll talk about it.
Additionally, not to sound too defensive, but I've only been aware that it's even possible for me to be poly in the last few days. (Since Thursday.) My eyes are open wide, and ready to read any and all things poly-related and communication-related, to really learn about this and try to become an expert at navigating it. So, I wish I didn't immediately come off as a drama queen, but I appreciate your patience and guidance as I head through on this amazing journey.
Those are really good initiative steps, kdt26417: talk to SO first; then to the female, if I decide that this couple isn't too messy to mess with. Yeah-- then I guess it will open itself up like a flower!
GalaGirl: sorry about that last sentence. What I meant to ask was whether anyone on the forum had been in this situation before, as a new poly person with a monogamous partner. Like, if anyone actually did what I'm thinking about doing, and how it worked out for them.
I am aware that there's a cost of admission for any relationship, and couching this situation in those economic terms makes it less confusing-- much easier to understand. Yes, there's a cost! How much am I willing to pay? It's also a gamble-- I will have to bet on all parties still loving and accepting me after all this is out in the open. I think the odds are pretty good. They already know I'm an impulsive, hormonally-charged weirdo. And like I said a bunch of times, I don't think they'll be really surprised.