Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Hmm, OK, you're in your late teens? You have a very low libido? You don't get horny, you don't masturbate?
Or, you have a libido, you do get horny, you do masturbate? But there's something going on with you around "Trust" with a capital T, to a very large (several years duration) degree before you'd want to "have sex" with a romantic interest?
Look at your unusual need for trust. What does that entail? Have you had others break your trust as a child/young person to the degree that you're unusually untrustful and even closed off emotionally now? Or, otoh, maybe you've been sexually molested and do not associate healthy sexuality with love...
And another question, how do you define sex? Penis in vagina only? Would you make out, touch a partner's genitals, give them oral, or allow them to digitally or orally pleasure your genitals in those "several years of dating" before you allow "sex?" Or no, nothing arousing at all? Even if they are aroused, you'd put up a barrier and not give then any release, ever? Or do you plan on only dating asexual people, or at most "greys," that is people with an extremely low sex drive? Or having romance with a poly person who can get aroused around you, but with the understanding they never actually have any sexual play with you, but only relieve the sexual tension by masturbating or fucking another partner? Would you hold them while they masturbate, or say, watch them masturbate on vid cam? Would you do non sexual kink or fetish play with them as long as no one touched each others' genitals?
No need to answer any of these questions publicly. It's merely food for thought.
I'm going to quote this whole thing and answer each part, because I don't mind sharing and talking about this topic is nice.
I'm eighteen, for reference. I actually have a very high libido, as far as playing with myself goes. I masturbate almost every day, and have for the last few years. And I like intimacy with a partner such as hugging and kissing-- I'm very open to physical interaction.
I don't think I have an issue with trust, per se. I grew up well adjusted with a nice family. My parents never talked about sex, so it was a bit of an ethereal concept until I started exploring my own body. The reason I think I prefer to have a long term partner before I consider sex is because I'm incredibly romantic. I loved fairy tales, having a destined soul mate, and was told to wait for the right person before having sex, so the idea of trusting someone heart and soul before trusting them with my body has become important.
I consider sex as a whole to be comprised of a lot of different parts that can all be thought of as sex. I don't claim to define it for anyone else but, to me, sex would be direct contact with another person's genitals, be it with my own genitals or other parts of my body, which I have yet to experience. Things like making out, breast play, touching above the waist are all fine by me.
I wouldn't limit my dating to people with low sex drives or who are asexual. I think, once I start engaging in sex, it'd be something I'd take part in with enthusiasm and eagerness, considering my masturbation habits. I like learning about sex in any aspect, even things I probably wouldn't try myself, just because I think it's interesting. I suppose as far as play with other people, I'd be open to anything that didn't involve direct genital contact, which like I said is how I define sex. I probably draw the line at seeing them entirely naked, depending on how committed and involved I am with that person.
In short, I'm very sex positive and open to a lot of things. My desire to keep my virginity is a combination of romantic ideals and an apprehension about sharing something as personal as my body with another person. Thanks for the questions, they made me think a bit.