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Old 06-10-2013, 02:34 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,630

I haven't told my SO that I'm crushing on them pretty hard, but he has to know.
Ok. Tell him then. There. Checked the first one off.

And the female, she totally knows, I think. I think everybody knows, actually, but we haven't said anything about it to each other (and, let me clarify: to me, specifically).
Then if things are good with your SO... could move on down the list and change those "think I knows" to "I KNOW I knows... cuz I asked/told them! I told them I find them attractive and am open to dating if they are interested. If not, that's fine too."

I'm kind of worried about even bringing up my poly-ness or my desires to either one of them, because the female is pretty jealous, and protective of her man; maybe she would be distrustful of me being around the dude, who is one of my very best friends-- I don't want to mess that up.
Then you have to decide what you value more.

1) Established friendships and "free from jealous" drama (Price of admission = do not date them, place on my messy people list.)

2) Changing friendships to dating potentials. (price of admission = take a risk, and that revelation will be received well/not well.)

There's always the price of admission somewhere. Figure out what you want to pay/can afford at this time.

would it be safer to look in other ponds, for fish that might be a little less spiny? Or should I look fear in the eye and press forward with what I want, now that I know I can have this, and am also aware that I may get shot down?
Your decision who is on your "messy people" list.

Everyone has their messy people. People like "my or my partner's bosses, parents, siblings, teacher" etc. If you decide these friends are also on your "messy people" list for whatever reason, they are on your list then.

I think I want to go for it-- I don't think it'll affect our friendship too much-- maybe she will keep being jealous and scared: oh well. I can only do my best to reassure her that I'm not trying to wreck any homes or break anyone up.
Why is she jealous/scared right now? When you are all friends?

But what about my SO? Any mono-poly newbs have a girl or guy who wanted to get with a couple that was friends with you?
I am tired. I do not understand this sentence as written. Is this what you mean? Or if I am wrong in my guess, could you clarify?
"Polyamorous me is partnered with monoamorous SO. I want to pursue this couple we are friends with. I am worried my SO's response to my wanting to pursue this couple for (sex only? Romancing?)."
If that is what you meant, it goes back full circle. Could talk to your SO first about your crush, and your possible desire to pursue the couple for ____ type relationship.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-10-2013 at 02:40 PM.
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