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Old 06-09-2013, 07:05 PM
felele888 felele888 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Default Coming out to a couple of friends you want to be with: is this smart?

I'm new to this revelation that I'm a poly person, so I need a little advice, and maybe someone to tell me I'm jumping the gun thinking about this particular stuff.

I have a couple of friends that I think are really sexy. I mean, not just in a physical-attraction, I-only-want-to-hump-you sort of way; they inspire a sense of awe and wonder in me.

I've been fantasizing about what it would be like to be with them in a triad situation for, like, months, and I've never told either of them about this. My relationship with SO was at a pretty rocky point recently (right before I realized I was poly), and I thought if I left him, I would run to the (unguaranteed) safety of their arms. But I didn't leave him, because I love the heck out of him, and want to stay with him forever, for real. But now I want to run to the safety of their arms for love's sake; to improve my life.

Generally, I see these folks individually or together several times a week-- we just really enjoy hanging out with each other, and have developed a stronger and stronger bond.

[Quick backstory: there was a New Year's beach house vacation moment where me and the female component of the couple actually did hook up/ have sex in one of those drunken hot tub experiences that are always so fun, and so confusing, if you happen to remember them. So we have a sexual connection already, of sorts.]

I haven't told my SO that I'm crushing on them pretty hard, but he has to know. And the female, she totally knows, I think. I think everybody knows, actually, but we haven't said anything about it to each other (and, let me clarify: to me, specifically).

I'm kind of worried about even bringing up my poly-ness or my desires to either one of them, because the female is pretty jealous, and protective of her man; maybe she would be distrustful of me being around the dude, who is one of my very best friends-- I don't want to mess that up.

So, people aren't interchangeable, and I don't know if I would feel this attraction for anyone else like I do for them, but I ask: would it be safer to look in other ponds, for fish that might be a little less spiny? Or should I look fear in the eye and press forward with what I want, now that I know I can have this, and am also aware that I may get shot down?

I think I want to go for it-- I don't think it'll affect our friendship too much-- maybe she will keep being jealous and scared: oh well. I can only do my best to reassure her that I'm not trying to wreck any homes or break anyone up.

But what about my SO? Any mono-poly newbs have a girl or guy who wanted to get with a couple that was friends with you?

Anybody got experiences with this? Surely, you must.
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