Things are not so great. The family situation with the sickness of my dad is very tense and causing me a lot of stress. And while I thought that C and I were more on the same page, it no longer looks like that.
The thing is: I want a complete relationship with him, where we are integrated in each others lives - as far as that's possible because of the fact we live a couple of hours apart. He comes to my house, knows my friends, knows my husband, has met my co-workers. I want to share the fun stuff and the bad stuff that's going on in my life. I want him to be my partner.
2 weeks ago we had a good talk about his new relationship (which isn't that new anymore, anyway) andI felt he heard me when I said how painful it is for me to not feel seen. But the past week there were a couple of incidents when he did not respond to messages (which were sad updates about my dad) because he was with her. He sees her almost every day now, so I have issues with the fact that he says he cannot connect with me when he's with her.
We saw each other this weekend. At one point he mentioned that a friend of his (basically one of his very few close friends) was performing somewhere, and that he had thought of taking me, but that that wasn't possible, because it was at a venue where Molly would also be present that night because she works there. He later told me the performance wasn't that interesting anyway, but I think that's besides the point - the point is she doesn't want to see me.
After this had happened I remembered something I'd forgotten. A while ago he showed me some pictures of me he had printed out and said 'yeah I thought about displaying them, but I can't, because then when Molly comes over she sees them'.
All these things are perfectly understandable. I mean I have had struggles with meeting metamours. And I'll never be good friends with Lou. But we know each other, and respect each others place in Ren's life.
I'm getting to the point where I think that this is going to be a deal breaker for me.
Last night C jokingly said: maybe I should give you Molly's email address so the 2 of you can connect without my interference.
I'm thinking of taking him up on that. And if she doesn't want this, I'm thinking this cannot go on. C. and I have great moments together but I cannot have a truly intimate relationship with someone who is not proud of me, and who is willing to ignore me (in various ways) so as to not hurt his other lover. Of course what I don't really know, is if HE would want it differently, and that it's really just her who doesn't want to meet me.
Am I wrong in taking this to a level where it's between me and her? Should he do something instead?
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 2 + years