Sad, sad update...
After three weeks of difficult discussions, passionate arguments, lots of lovemaking and compassion, my monogamous boyfriend and I have made the decision to transition from lovers to friends.
He decided to read up on poly, understood that parameters could be negotiated, and we came to the following conclusion. Even if we had a complete "v" and he had equal time as my other primary, this would not be enough. We took it further but only hypothetically, (because I would never do this), even if I moved in with him and my husband became "secondary", it would not be enough. He needs and wants to be in an exclusive relationship and be married again. He knows that would never be possible for me as a polyamorous woman, even if I were single at this time.
It is a completely new experience for me to have a relationship in which we love each other deeply and passionately, have amazing sex, and love each other's company...but have to part ways because of goals. I know it is the healthy, compassionate, and loving thing to do. I also am grieving.
We aren't really "parting ways" but are transitioning to friendship. A friendship that is deeper and more profound than it ever was before we became lovers. I will always be grateful, he being my "first" in my poly life.
Thanks for all of the support I have gotten from this community over the past weeks.