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Old 06-08-2013, 04:21 PM
Sabina16 Sabina16 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Thank you very much for your responses.

Marcus, I realize my post wreaks of fear and I don't believe in living a life based on it.

I am also just coming to understand how very co-dependent my relationship with my husband is, and that is the cause of a lot of pain already.

Neither of us has a single friend in the world except each other and we spend most of our waking hours with each other apart from work. In the last few years we've both broken off long friendships for healthy reasons (we were just growing up and growing apart from some people). However, neither of us have really put ourselves out there to meet new people. As a result, we both put a lot of unhealthy demands and expectations on each other.

I have specifically not put myself out there because I know that I fall in love with my friends, and I often find myself wanting to take my friendships to the heights of intimacy. That is what I really want.

He has been disappointed in the people he's met thus far. But we live in a small town and he hasn't been as proactive as he could be about friends, instead opting for the comfort and familiarity of time with me.

So we have a lot of work to do just trying to find a healthy balance in that way. I think knowing that I am not the only person he has to count on in the world will help to relieve some of my fears for him over time. And will also relieve some of the frustrations we take out on each other.

Dirtclustit, yes, I know my husband has fantasies about sex with other women, but he has told me that actual sex with other women doesn't excite him, that it would feel like a betrayal to our marriage, even if I didn't feel that way about it.

But again, I agree it's much too soon to say that because we've not taken any steps to meet people and he may just change his mind depending on the quality of friendships he develops.

I love how loyal and protective he is of what we have, but I think he needs to put more trust in the love I have for him and know that nothing will ever change that for me. I'm not sure if I can ever make him see that, though.

Magdlyn, you highlight my biggest fear: unresolved feelings for years and perhaps some regret over what could have been.

I am going to give this relationship the best that I have, but if it doesn't end up being enough for my husband or me, I capable of making difficult decisions when I need to.

Thanks again.
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