Thread: Hellllp!
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Old 06-07-2013, 03:28 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by DaJaye74 View Post
I did all the things that you suggested this morning. She says she doesn't have a lot of forgiveness in her. This distance is tearing us apart. I love her so much and I put her on a pedestal. I hope I have not already list the best thing in my life, just when I need her the most. I amgoing through alot. Being medically separated from the Army due to injury after 14 yrs of service, being essentially a single parent(I have our 9 yr old son), dealing with rhe Med board process, which has taken over a , and being separated form the woman I love.
Yes, you sure do have a lot going on! Lost your job due to injuries, you're now handicapped both physically and mentally, you've got a son to raise.

And somehow you and Lady made the decision for her to move 5 hours drive away for grad school.

Even if you two hadn't just opened your marriage and she got an ardent bf, you'd have a lot to deal with even so.

And so, you had a meltdown and she isn't into forgiveness yet? Sheesh.

Time for some rethinking on both your parts or your marriage is going to fall apart.

How long will she be living apart from you? Why did you two make the decision for her to move away? Was it some kind of tit for tat thing, as she was alone a lot while you were serving?

Write down a list of what you can change, and changes you wish she'd agree to make on her end, and restructure this arrangement. You could even ask she see her bf less, you know... spend 2 nights a week, say, Skyping/cybersexing you instead. Some people have Skype dates, with candlelit dinner and wine on either end, wear a special outfit. Or you could play an online game, if you're into that. You decide what would be fun.

It's always good to renegotiate when you hit these kinds of disconnects in LTR. But be clear, practical and reasonable. What do you really need to feel closer to her again? Does she want to be closer to you? NRE can hit some people hard, and she shouldn't be spending time with YOU out of obligation or duty, but just because she loves you, loves spending time with you.

I am sure your son misses Mom a lot, and it's hard that the times you visit her you need to share her with your son. How can you get alone, adult time?

Use your imagination and come up with ways to make this get better! It's not working out as well as you imagined when you agreed to do this. Maybe partly because you didn't find a gf right away, but in your state of depression and lonelieness, how can you woo a new girl?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 06-07-2013 at 03:32 PM.
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