Just wanted you all to know I went to my doctor and he is doing a full medical and a psych evaluation. I'm sleeping more often and eating more often and my work and home life hasn't been affected. He wasn't overly concerned because of these reasons but likes to be thorough and I am agreeing to that for now. No rush to meds it seems.
Every day I seem to be better. As long as I don't think about what everyone else is doing and how I fit into that. I am working hard to think about MY plan and MY future on my own. With others in mind.
I have been talking a lot with my monogamous friend I met on okc and he has been giving me his mono perspective which includes a bachelor pad and celebacy. I have been thinking that is an option but there are many others. All seem to lead back to something less drastic a change.
My mind is shifting slowly in moments of peace without feeling anxious, devastated and traumatized. The longer time goes on the less abandoned, out of control, out of my body, less busy in my brain. I'm getting my ability to remember things back. I feel less burnt out and over burdened, more conscious of what I do and say and see light at the end of the tunnel. It will take time, I know I keep saying that, but today is a good day and I am grateful to be alive and loving myself. I feel loved too and today that is enough. Gentle and carefully I am carrying on.
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