Originally Posted by OnTheCusp
Whatever. What I'm telling y'all is that I'm very, very confused, and I appreciate your input and knowledge. I'm not purposefully being selfish or self-centered or anything else I've been called--I'm just muddling through.
I know, that's why I wrote to say try to avoid that approach to things ("he can explore if I'm involved"). Not the best plan, esp. starting out.
I think wanting to be in a V relationship is fine. I have one primary long-term live-in partner and then have had the range of others from long-term "secondary" to fwb to casual sex. My partner mostly sticks to the longer-term gfs. And that's my main point. You should have your V. And let your husband figure out what he wants, feels comfortable with -- let him follow his own desires within the bounds of the agreements you both make. That's an important step -- sit down, talk, make agreements. Make them as clear as you can at this stage.
I think the very fact that you're open to thinking through all this means you probably are capable of being poly. The hardest thing to remember is that his (or your) being with someone else doesn't have to diminish the love and desire you feel for each other. It takes practice and time.