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Old 01-23-2010, 09:52 PM
Creatress Creatress is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 23
Default Definitely in theory, but...

ImaginaryIllusion, thanks especially for your reply. I needed to hear it.

YGirl, I did move out, I've been out a little over a month. Haven't talked to my exes in a few weeks. I'm still in love with one, so it really hurts. My DD is doing great now that we're out (she had manifested some fairly undesirable behaviours in the Big House.)

In response to your last question, this touches on what GroundedSpirit wrote: I know I'm theoretically poly. I know that I can and do love more than one person at a time, and I want to have the flexibility and the trust in my relationships that will allow me to express that love however I see fit. I don't think that will ever change. Regarding whether or not I think it makes everyone's life better, I don't know. There was so much fighting and pain and emotional difficulty I had to deal with from my GF and my metamour that I don't know if it could be worth it. I didn't deal with much jealousy or whatnot, but hashing out everyone else's feelings (or just knowing they felt that way and weren't talking about it) was hell. I don't think they are actually poly, honestly. I mean, my ex BF is, but his wife and their partner are just snippy and backbiting and emotionally dishonest...people are human, and it takes some superhuman emotional intelligence to handle poly.

And I disagree with the statement that poly relationships are just like mono relationships but with more people. I really do. There is a different dynamic. In a mono relationship, I know my partner is checking out other people, but not acting on it (as long as the trust is there and such). That acting on it is GREAT, as long as everyone's on board, honest with themselves and each other, etc. And people aren't always like that.

SunnyDee, I hope you're right. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy in a mono relationship for very long, but it will take time before I can handle poly drama again. I'm struggling,though, with knowing I'm poly and knowing that I need to be monogamous with a primary for a while before we open things up. I haven't been monogamous with someone longer than about two months. :-P Everyone seems to say you should do it that way, and I just don't know how it can work.
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