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Old 06-05-2013, 07:51 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheCusp View Post
Yes, it is completely accurate that I would like to explore poly , in a limited way (ie. with Mike) and am mortified at the thought of my husband being with anybody but me.
I did say "selfish," didn't I?

Well, if you want to explore poly, that right there is the inner work you need to do before either of you move forward toward developing relationships with other people -- letting go of needing to control whom he is with, how, and when. You participating with him doesn't address your insecurities at all.

Poly ideally is generous and loving, not hard and contained in a small box just so you can be slightly okay with it. Why not start thinking about all the wonderful things about your husband and ask yourself why other women shouldn't get to know and love such a great guy too? He is the man you love - doesn't he deserve all the love in the world directed his way, even if it isn't coming from you? Don't be so stingy and greedy, woman.

If you can boink somebody of your choosing without hubby being there with you, hubby should be able to boink someone of his choosing without you there, all eagle-eyed and making sure it meets your approval.

He isn't your possession to control.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-05-2013 at 07:55 PM.
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