I will be safe to you
K is coming over next Saturday. We've not seen her since late December when we traveled to see her, and she was traveling so now it's her turn to come see us. Us, it's become. In the interim, she and I have done some chatting online and I have been more in contact with her than she and C have been.
She and I have found it very natural to be completely open with one another, and our relationship has deepened as we appreciate each other more and more, and are generous with each other in all sorts of ways. It feels good.
The other night we had a great conversation in which we revealed a lot about our hopes, fears, best case scenarios and worst case scenarios for this entanglement between the three of us. It seems all three of us are treading lightly towards this being something that involves all of us, and that feels great to me. She expressed to me that she loves how C and I love each other, and sees us as a unit, and ideally wants to be able to take part in that love somehow. Cuddling on the couch in a nice, comfy, non-sexual heap has been mentioned more than once. That sounds really nice to me.
As a result of this wonderful communication between her and I, a strange thing has happened; C is now thinking that maybe I have more to offer K than he does, and is nervous about the two of us developing a deeper relationship than the two of them have. I never foresaw this as a possibility when we were first getting into this,- that C would feel this twinge of jealousy.
The hardest thing about getting off the ground with all of our feelings is the geographical distance between our two homes, and the fact that so much planning is required for either of us to see her. I know that all of us would like to see each other more frequently in person. As it is, that's not possible, and the result of that is that when we do get to see each other, the anticipation drags on waiting for these times, and also, there's no good way for either C or I to be able to spend time with K separately- when there is a chance it just makes more sense to see each other together. I wish it was possible for us to have more regular, spontaneous time with one another separately or as a group.
So yeah, lots of waiting, lots of conjecture, not enough eye-to-eye. Not that I'm complaining. I didn't expect to be missing her so much. I'm really exited for Saturday- dinner and wine and a fire in the fireplace- and time to talk and maybe get to communicate some beautiful feelings both verbally and non-verbally.
The look on C's face the other day when he said, "She deserves so much, just imagine, with all the love we have to give, how wonderful it would be to just shower her with it when we can" that look, and that sentiment, is staying with me and making me very happy about where all of this is going. I truly feel safe in this situation, and the two of them have really shown me love in ways I've never experienced before. I'm a lucky gal, and I love my husband so much for who he is and the way that the love between us has grown so much that we have enough to share with beautiful K.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan
I love Catfish and Charlie.