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Old 06-05-2013, 05:36 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mricha711 View Post
Oh, I'm definitely good at interacting with large groups of people. I like talking to tons of people no matter where I go. The thing is, I'm really good at making friends. And having lots of friends is, quite frankly, really awesome

It isn't that there are only 9 compatible people in my area. It's that there are 9 compatible people in my area on Okcupid. Which are two VERY different things. Lol.

I kind of see being in the "poly ghetto" pretty essential to the kind of relationship dynamic I would want anyway, even if it's going to limit my dating pool drastically. I'm not someone who wants to start dating someone and hope it develops into polyamory, because I would be unfair to the other person. I'm not someone who likes to waste people's time, so even though I'm willing to bend on lots of other things, I feel like I should be upfront about 2 things: the fact that I'm bisexual, and the fact that I'm poly. If they don't accept those two things about me from the beginning, it's probably never ever going to work.

And dating in your early 20s may suck...but isn't it better than dating in your late 40s? There's a lot of ageism in the dating world. Not that I'm in the "dating world" anyway. Lol.

Good luck to you as well.
Oh good - you aren't dysfunctionally picky - I see that too often. And you should not hide either your poly-ness or your bisexuality. What I meant by the poly ghetto is confining yourself only to those folks who already identify as poly. I totally agree - be open and honest. When you can be open and honest with people who aren't poly - you may be surprised who turns out to be willing to consider the idea.

Awesome on having lots of friends! Now (read in your best Jewish mom voice) why aren't you dating your friends? Too many lesbian peeps? Too monogamous? All of your friends can't be lesbian monogamists! Go ask your lesbian peeps where their hot bro friends are. No sizzle with friends? Happens - I personally think the friend zone is a fine place to be. But getting to know someone deeply can move the sizzle needle. Almost all of my lovers or partners were friends first.

Yeah the transportation thing may be crippling. That alone would either lead me to learn to drive (I didn't get my license until 24 but lived in big cities with subways and buses) or move to places with public transportation.

I've found that, for me, dating in my early 40s is so much better than dating in early 20s. I know myself so much better now and have so much more capacity for relationships and such than I did 20 years ago. There is all this learning about who you are in one's 20s that it can weirdly get in the way of relationships. To use an inadequate analogy - learning about yourself, becoming who you are takes bandwidth. Relationships take bandwidth. It is certainly possible - and probably best - to do both simultaneously. Bandwidth management is a skill that usually needs time and experience to do well. For me, it was very difficult to do both with any grace. Your mileage will vary.

Ageism happens - that mid twenties guy just may not be into 40 year olds. Or some older people disparage younger people as foolish and silly. (There is no age limit in that!) 20 somethings sometimes bore me and vice versa. Still now is better than then. The only thing I would want from my 20 something self would be my knees.

Hey, we could do a longitudinal study! Report back in 20 years on your experiences and I will let you know what dating in one's 60s feels like. Deal?
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