It's different, being with someone who has so many people in their intimate network (I'm talking about Clay, in case you couldn't guess). When I think about the other people he's involved with, I feel... hmmm, it's complex. A drop of jealousy/envy (he's seeing that person that night? but what if I'M free that night? I'm not, but what if...), a hint of fear (will he still be as interested in me if he starts getting more interested in someone else?), and a lot of curiosity (who are they? what do they care about? what do they give to him, what do they get?).
These aren't intense feelings, mostly I'm quite chill, but they are occasionally... distracting. Getting closer to Clay's other partners seems to help. Sleeping with Nikki, hanging out with Izzy, both seem to have accomplished the same effect of making them more like real human beings to me, rather than simply mysterious figures that take up space in the life of this man I love.
It's an interesting lifestyle that we're all living. I guess you could call it solo poly? Or just non-hierarchical poly? It feels a bit like living on the edge -- no safety net of a life partner who's promised to have you and hold you, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live, nor even the goal of finding one. No set schedule, no long list of rules. Just a web of independent people, living and loving and touching, holding each other tightly and then letting go, over and over.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.