Originally Posted by opalescent
Dating is difficult and frustrating. I live in a city with a substantial poly community and it's still painful. And the reason it is painful is me. I am fairly introverted and interacting with large groups or with people I don't know at all is just not my strong suit. And there is the fact that I meet very few people that I 'click' with romantically. It just doesn't happen that often even if I am very social.
Geography is often a limiting factor. But before you write off your surroundings as the issue, take a look inward. I'm the reason dating is hard for me. I gently suggest thinking about how you may be making dating hard for you. Of course, the things making dating difficult for you may not be all that changeable. I, for instance, am not going to be raging social butterfly anytime soon. But think about it. We often get in our own way.
I notice that sometimes people take this compatibility thing a bit far. There might really only be 9 possibly compatable folks in your area. Or your criteria might be a bit too stringent, too particular, too detailed. Take a chance on someone who may not be an obvious match for you.
You may also need to get out of the poly ghetto. There are obvious advantages to seeking someone who is already poly. And there are obvious disadvantages to 'converting' someone who is not currently poly. However, if you are upfront and honest, you may find men and women willing to give some thought to this poly business and see how it goes. You will be automatically ruled out by many right away. That sucks. But eventually someone will take a chance.
And finally, dating in one's early 20s just sucks. Sorry man.
Oh, I'm definitely good at interacting with large groups of people. I like talking to tons of people no matter where I go. The thing is, I'm really good at making friends. And having lots of friends is, quite frankly, really awesome
It isn't that there are only 9 compatible people in my area. It's that there are 9 compatible people in my area on Okcupid. Which are two VERY different things. Lol.
I kind of see being in the "poly ghetto" pretty essential to the kind of relationship dynamic I would want anyway, even if it's going to limit my dating pool drastically. I'm not someone who wants to start dating someone and hope it develops into polyamory, because I would be unfair to the other person. I'm not someone who likes to waste people's time, so even though I'm willing to bend on lots of other things, I feel like I should be upfront about 2 things: the fact that I'm bisexual, and the fact that I'm poly. If they don't accept those two things about me from the beginning, it's probably never ever going to work.
And dating in your early 20s may suck...but isn't it better than dating in your late 40s? There's a lot of ageism in the dating world. Not that I'm in the "dating world" anyway. Lol.
Good luck to you as well.