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Old 01-23-2010, 02:51 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,015

I suspect the question is really one you'll need to answer yourself. But for what it's worth, I'll offer my spin.

There's a fine dividing line between open-relationships and poly, and a few other things I suppose. And there seems to be little concensus on where those divisions actually stand, so it really comes down to where you draw those lines for yourself.

I'll presume for the moment that you did identify as poly during your last relationship. Identities are funny things...they don't need to go away just because of current circumstances. For example, I still ID as a gamer, even though time and circumstances have prevented me from doing anything of the sort for years. It sounds to me that you still retain the thought processes that would make it very easy to retain a poly as part of your self-identity, even though you've had a bad experience.

And one bad experience does not need to invalidate the whole thing...that's also a choice you'll have to make. Particularly domestic violence is not universal, and I expect many would commend you for getting yourself out of such a situation. There's no good that can come of staying in that.

It actually sounds like you are in a fairly good space right now...or at least on a better path than that of constant self-sacrifice of your needs for the sake of your relationships. You seem to have an idea of the basics of what you'll need going into a new relationship. Everyone deserves to be feel loved, to make sure they take care of their own needs. Take your time out, find your primary, allow yourself to heal, give yourself permission to take care of you.

As for finding that's there. Someone who is open to more ethical and less monogamous relationships might be a little harder to find...although some can be convinced. But rest assured, the universe did not leave you out here without a few someones that can fulfill your needs, and whom you can fulfill theirs. They may be hidden, they may be around the corner...they may be hiding in plain sight, but they're there. Keep the's all good.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?

Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 01-23-2010 at 02:52 PM. Reason: addition
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