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Old 01-23-2010, 06:24 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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(rp)That is no way to treat a woman you love.
That is no way to treat ANYONE you love. That is no way to treat ANYONE period. Either allowing abuse or abusing is no way to show love. (I had this exact conversation with Maca because I said-if I KNOW it's abuse I am responsible to say, BUT if saying creates a breakdown of a relationship she is dependent on... which is MORE loving? THUS such a long time frame between you asking me why I was not socializing and when I started writing background answers)

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(rp)I would wonder if he even loves you, or knows how to love.
Bingo. As I said about Tina-she BELIEVES with all she knows that she loves Maca, but the truth is-that she doesn't know LOVE and doesn't LOVE herself and therefore CAN NOT LOVE Maca.
Same problem.


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(rp)well of course it would, because you went against what everything in your body said was wrong.... you weren't seeing yourself as a thing of beauty, that needed to be preserved for special moments of bonding and connection that make you feel cherished, adored, admired for who you are. You lost your integrity and sense of being a mystery to others that should be guarded and the secret given to those you respect and who respect you. Your specialness was taken away from you.
Bingo!
Bingo!
Bingo!
READ THIS UNTIL IT SINKS IN TO YOUR SOUL MS.

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(rp)Why would you feel special to your husband if he has treated you this way. To me it would be like being obliged to sleep with my abuser...
Bingo (feel like I'm repeating myself here...)
But seriously-DEAD RIGHT.

KEYS
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(rp)some therapy with a therapist that is familiar to poly relationships.
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(rp)your husband should stop his dominant role in your life entirely
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you should start taking a hold of your own life in order to regain some feelings of autonomy from him.
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(rp)do a lot of educating yourselves before getting back to it.
(D/s)

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(rp)you need to stop having sex
(stop)
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(rp)pursuing any sexual relationships with anyone
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(rp)forget working on poly in this way until this is sorted out.
(meaning no sexual relationships, not no "loving" relationships)

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(rp)There is no way in hell that ...either of you are ready for the amount of work and stability that a poly relationship takes
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(rp)Anyone that comes into your lives in such a way right now will not stay around
(because being ANYWHERE around is dangerous AND at the least, painfully hard to deal with emotionally as well as psychologically.)

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(rp)you have some major issues to work out.
Major means HUGE, not "a few weeks or months to fix.....

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(rp)Not only that they could ...get hurt.
Precisely.

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(rp)it sounds like you want another primary partner because you have completely lost your connection with your husband and either don't want to fix it because of who he is or you don't think it is fixable and rightly so...
That it does, and this is something you need to REALLY introspect on.

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(rp)My concern at this point is that you won't be able to do it and will break up or worse don't bother and teach your kids that the way their dad treats you is okay... that women are meant to be treated as he treats you.
BIG issue to address and it IS a problem in your family.

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(rp)I would not at all be surprised if this attitude has carried to your everyday life in some way.
My impression is actually that it was already in your everyday life and then pervaded your sex life as well. But either way-yes big issue to address as well..

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(rp)Women who are subs in a D/s relationships are admired, taken care of, nurtured... anyone deserves that in a sub role.
I would say: People who are subs...

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(rp)He seems to think that they are to boss around, disrespect, think little of in terms of their emotions and psychological needs and generally prostitute out and abuse his power with. That has got to of fucked with his brain at this point.
Well worth addressing this as well....

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(rp)Get a hold of your life for your self and show your kids that you deserve respect, just as you would expect they would also deserve. Just because you are submissive does not mean that you should not be listening to important messages you yourself are giving you. Listen to yourself! Demand as your right as a sub to be taken care of properly.
Imperative. VERY imperative. THIS needs addressed NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO THE MARRIAGE.

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(rp)Otherwise leave and find someone that will.
I disagree-YOU MUST figure this out AND have someone who will ALSO. BUT YOU must do it first for yourself.

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(CdM)I have to echo what redpepper said - just because you are a sub doesn't give anyone the right to violate your own boundaries.
ANYONE.
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