Originally Posted by Magdlyn
Well, of course you're nervous. I've been dating since 2009 and I still get butterflies before a first date with someone. Just ride it out, and keep an open mind. For me, nerves calm once the conversation starts.
If she's never dated a couple before, and you two have never dated as a unit, are you aware of the common pitfalls of "unicorn hunting" and the rights of secondaries? Triads are notoriously hard to manage. THAT makes me nervous for you.
It's much different to have a long time gf to be "shared" by an established couple, than a one night stand 3some. Almost always, feelings will be unequal between one dyad or another.
Are you prepared for her to just prefer you, or just prefer your husband, or for one of you to like her but the other not, or for one of you to like her, but she doesnt like you, and you feel rejected as your partner gets all the lovey feelings returned while you don't?
Thanks for your questions
She has not dated a couple before, and the both of us have never dated as a unit. I wouldn't say I'm "aware" of the common pitfalls of Unicorn Hunting (though I hate that terminology for any couple searching for a long lasting, loving relationship with another woman), but I can probably imagine what some of them are.
I cannot totally speak for him, other than what he communicates to me.
For me I want nothing more than for her to be an equal in the relationship and from what he has told me, and what she has told me, and him and us together in conversation online and via phone it seems that is what everyone wants all of the way around.
She truly desires a relationship with both a man and a woman who love each other and can love her.. I desire a relationship with another woman, and with him.. I have always known that I would be happiest with both a man and a woman. I have long wanted to share the happiness he brings me with another woman.. who in return can have a relationship with me. And, I know he has long wanted to have another woman to love and for me to have a relationship with her as well.
Of course, I know love takes time.. and for some comes faster than others. I think we all know that, but it's not something we have all discussed.. or him and I discussed or any of us separately in conversation. Since it's new for all of us, I think we are just trying to "go with the flow" and see how things develop.
I think he has more concern about her having feelings for me faster or preferring me over him because her previous LTR has been with a woman. It's been years since she's truly "dated" a man, outside of a few dates that ended in casual sex.