You need to be up front and honest period. Cheating and lying is not ok.
You need to give her the option to do the right thing for her.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.